The Five Rules of Being a Game Master

The five golden rules to being a GM are as follows.

One: Know your place. You are there to entertain, not to win. It is not you vs. them. You are partners with them in an attempt to develop a story.

Two: Plan ahead. Sometimes you just don’t have time to draw up maps and create the bad guys character sheets, but you can spend at least thirty minutes to an hour thinking about it beforehand.

Three: Be flexible. Sometimes things don’t work out like you plan; you can’t force the players down a specific path, that would piss them off.

Four: Keep your cool. Don’t ever blow a gasket at your players. They will not come back to you game. No one wants to play under a cranky Game master. I know I don’t.

Five: You are not God. Keep your ego in check. Sometimes your players will know more than you will about something. It happens, it shouldn’t break your will. If one of your players is being a jerk to you about his superior knowledge, either take him aside after the game and talk to him, or just don’t invite him anymore.

Kingdom of Mana... Dawn of Hearts

So is it just me, or are Japanese RPGs taking a turn for the worst.

Dawn of Hearts… I’m sorry, Kingdom of Mana… shoot.. I’ll get it right,

Dawn of Mana!

That’s it! Dawn of Mana took the camera and model elements from Kingdom Hearts II, and the traditional feel of all the Mana games and slammed them together. Sounds great right?

Wrong.

They edited out all the RP elements, transforming the game into a whimsical watered down lame fest.

You find yourself leaping around comically knocking enemies into each other so that you can get some little shitty temporary upgrades. They incorporate no item system; they have no real leveling up system to speak of and no sort of equipment.

Don’t mess with a good thing Squinix. And Mana was a good thing until you destroyed it.

I give Dawn of Mana two out of five stars, and the only reason I give it that much is because of the nostalgic feeling it gave me at first.

This is the first Square game that I am ever going to sell back.

Godzilla vs Trogdor

We know and love these two towering lizards. But the question on everyone’s mind is,

If Godzilla and Trogdor fought, who would win? Lets check out the stats shall we?

Godzilla is the massive mega titan bent on destroying Tokyo. He has appeared on merchandise all over the globe and has nuclear breath. He has attempted to destroy the world many times, though he never succeeded.

I used to have this awesome tape of a puppy dog eyed Godzilla saving Tokyo from giant bugs with the help of a robot that “programmed himself to get bigger”.

Trogdor is an internet darling. His beefy arm and his fire breath make him a formidable opponent. He has powers of burnination, a far superior form of burning.

Trogdor may be a powerful being and he always succeeds at burninating: peasants, countryside’s, and people. Godzilla is none of these however. This could be a problem.

Problem one: Does Trogdor fall prey to Godzilla’s nuclear breath?
Answer: No. Trogdor will block the nuclear rays with his beefy arm. Besides, Trogdor is plated with impenetrable consummate v’s.

Problem two: Does Trogdor's burnination work on Godzilla?
Answer: No. Even if Godzilla was on of the aforementioned things, Godzilla is armed with the power of plot device. There is only one plot device per movie that can defeat him. It is usually in the hands of an effeminate Japanese scientist.

Problem three: If they started arm wrestling, who would win.
Answer: Trogdor. Beefy arm.

Problem four: Would anyone be spared in this holocaust?
Answer: Not even the women and children.

So in the end, let us hope Trogdor and Godzillia will never fight. They are perfect matches for each other and it would mean the extinction of the human race. The battle would rage for centuries.

How to Prevent a Gaming Hangover

We gamers have to indulge ourselves every now and then. I call it going into stasis.

To any gamer who has had the luxury to game uninterrupted for a long chunk of time is no newbie to the gaming hangover. A gaming hangover is a disgusting and dreaded thing. It begins with sever lethargy. Then, time begins to vanish. And in the end, you end up dazed, disgruntled, and late for work.

The easiest way to avoid a gaming hangover is very simple.

Don’t gorge yourself on videogames. Play reasonable, but never spend more than two to three hours a day playing. But, if you do decide to go for the gusto, these are some simple steps that can ease a gaming hangover, and make the gaming experience all the more pleasant. You may even come out of the binge feeling sort of human.

1. Eat, but don’t eat too much. Buy some lean quzines or something as equally quick and low cal. You aren’t going to be spending much energy so you don’t need to eat as much.

2. Don’t binge game when you have immediate deadlines. Just do the work before you game. I know, most of the time when you binge game your putting something off, procrastination is part of it, but if you have a deadline at noon the next day don’t spend the whole day playing WOW.

3. Feed your pets. Gerbils die without food. The more you know.

4. Bathe. For all that is good and holy bathe. Your roommates will appreciate it. And it will make you feel better. Very few things are grosser than gamer funk.

5. Sleep normally. Go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up at a reasonable hour. If you have a hard time going to sleep because of your over stimulated brain, try listening to classical music and taking a Tylenol PM.

6. Lastly understand that when you come out of stasis, you will be a little disconnected from reality. Do something that can ground you again. Read a book. Listen to some music. Get your mind off the game. It can help you regain some measure of sanity.

Retcon Bastards

Maybe I’m just not into comics enough, but the superhero world has become so convoluted, so ridiculous, that I have no idea what is going on.

How many times has each of the X-men died? And don’t you dare ask me in which universe, or I will pour grape juice on your comic collection!

I liked being able to pick up a hulk comic and have it be the same story as the other hulk comics, not three different universes all battling each other for shock value supremacy.

I yearn for the simple days of hulk smash and baterangs, when superheroes where what they were supposed to be, stories about caped crusaders saving the world from the bad guy.

I’m not saying that we shouldn’t come up with new and different plotlines and drama, I am just worried that they just killed off captain America, and I am not very concerned.

OK, so I cried a little.

Just a little.

But we all know he won’t stay dead. That’s the kicker. Comics are more than soap opera’s for men right?

The past needs to stay as you wrote it, comic book writers, so plan ahead. And stop killing characters and bringing them back! It’s like a necromancers bad dream.

Please, just think of the poor necromancers.

That New Card Smell

Magic the Gathering is the undisputed king of trading card games. It has one of the widest fan bases for a trading card game in America. They must know what they are doing right? Even the best can make mistakes however.

Now I haven’t bought Magic the Gathering cards for a long time. My friends started playing in tournaments, and I had a girlfriend that I liked to take out on dates, so I just couldn’t keep up with them financially. I stopped playing for about two years, though I have collected enough cards over the years. If I were to sell all of them, they could probably fund a third world country.

I just bought a Fate Blaster, Future Sight deck and I have to tell you, as a deck it rocks, but the new future sight cards are a 2d designers worst nightmare, or at least, that’s what I thought at first.

The Time Spiral cards were from the past, the Planar Chaos cards were from an alternate present, so the Future Sight cards are from the future. The time Spiral Cards were old cards with old framing, the Planar Chaos cards used the newer frame and the new Future Sight cards are framed different than any Magic card before. I see why they changed the frame but it doesn’t get the new frame completely off the hook.

The new frame isn’t as readable as the old one, the mana cost is on the left side instead of the top right, and the text boxes are all see through. The illustrations are beautiful, and when no text is needed to explain the card, the illustration fills up more of the card.

My biggest beef with the card is that the illustration is framed twice, once in an opaque eye shaped thing, and secondly with the translucent text boxes. It causes disruption in the flow of the card.

So Wizards of the Coast, I have one thing to say, I don’t mind the new card format right now. I only ask that you don’t put it in any more sets; let it die as the gimmick was intended.

Videogames the Silent Killer

Videogames are evil. I am tired of them. I play them too much. The Playstation 2 sits there in its smug mischievous manner mocking me. It sticks its CD tray out at me and waves its controllers in the air.

“You know you want to play me!” it recites its usual siren song with a voice that sounds like the rabbit from Donnie Darko.

“No!” I wail attempting to keep myself at the computer, but my efforts are in vain; the PS2 is armed with RPGs. No. Not rocket propelled grenades. Role-playing games.

“Your thief mage is almost at level twenty…” It continues its diabolical torture session. “ If he becomes level twenty, you can make a Ninja Summoner…”

“Damn you Final Fantasy Tactics and your unusually high replay value!” I cry falling to my knees, my hand’s still at the keyboard above my head, continuing my vain quest to stay on task.

“You spend twenty to thirty hours a week on me every week, what could four or five more hours hurt?” It asks quietly before giving a maniacal laugh.

“Got…to finish…assignment…” I valiantly drag myself back into my chair. The red glowing button peers like Sauron’s eye into my soul.

The lights are flickering! Sepulchral orchestra music is being played through the TVs speakers! The ground is shaking! It set my bed on fire!

“Play me!” the PS2 bellows. I pull a vial out of my jacket and throw its contents on the PS2.

“Suck on holy water bitch!” A terrifying scream follows as the PS2 smokes and the room returns to normal. O.K. that was close. Too close.

I am not alone in my addiction. There are thousands out there just like me. If only we could get together and put an end to the PS2’s diabolical reign of terror!

We can fight them!

They can be destroyed!

Throw them from the rooftops!

Smash them with hammers!

Fight back! We need to be addicted no longer!

We can have real lives! We just have to join together!

What was that PS2? What’s that X-box? Halo 3 just came out! Nooo!

Scion

White Wolf’s new tabletop Scion Hero breaks the mold. It is a perfect mixture of Exalted and the World of Darkness’s system. But Scion Hero is its own game. It fixes some of the problems inherent in the previous systems.

In exalted, the player characters are quite over powered. Beginning Exalts are able to do anything short of rearranging space-time, (and if they practice sorcery they can even do that). In World of Darkness, you hesitate to try anything; most of the time, doing anything dangerous is a great way for your character to end up dead. The way they got around this problem is by adding in a system of “epic attributes” giving the characters auto successes on roles that involve the attribute.

It is based in a modern setting so fans of traditional medieval fantasy or futuristic laser rifle battles may not find it appealing. White Wolf brings us into a world of gods, magic and shootouts. Players control the children of the gods, modern day Hercules’s fighting against the spawn of the titans. The gods of Scion aren’t some contrived new idea; they are the pantheons of old. Play as children of the Greek, Egyptian, Norse, Japanese or Voodoo gods.

The book itself is well made. White Wolf has fixed the problems with binding that they made on the Exalted core book. With over 300 pages of easy to understand text, this game knocked me off my feet. Not to mention the incredible illustrations. White Wolf has outdone itself.

Scion is a breath of fresh air to the world of tabletop gaming and worth the retail price of $34.99. Any role player should pick up his or her own copy.