The Five Rules of Being a Game Master

The five golden rules to being a GM are as follows.

One: Know your place. You are there to entertain, not to win. It is not you vs. them. You are partners with them in an attempt to develop a story.

Two: Plan ahead. Sometimes you just don’t have time to draw up maps and create the bad guys character sheets, but you can spend at least thirty minutes to an hour thinking about it beforehand.

Three: Be flexible. Sometimes things don’t work out like you plan; you can’t force the players down a specific path, that would piss them off.

Four: Keep your cool. Don’t ever blow a gasket at your players. They will not come back to you game. No one wants to play under a cranky Game master. I know I don’t.

Five: You are not God. Keep your ego in check. Sometimes your players will know more than you will about something. It happens, it shouldn’t break your will. If one of your players is being a jerk to you about his superior knowledge, either take him aside after the game and talk to him, or just don’t invite him anymore.

Kingdom of Mana... Dawn of Hearts

So is it just me, or are Japanese RPGs taking a turn for the worst.

Dawn of Hearts… I’m sorry, Kingdom of Mana… shoot.. I’ll get it right,

Dawn of Mana!

That’s it! Dawn of Mana took the camera and model elements from Kingdom Hearts II, and the traditional feel of all the Mana games and slammed them together. Sounds great right?

Wrong.

They edited out all the RP elements, transforming the game into a whimsical watered down lame fest.

You find yourself leaping around comically knocking enemies into each other so that you can get some little shitty temporary upgrades. They incorporate no item system; they have no real leveling up system to speak of and no sort of equipment.

Don’t mess with a good thing Squinix. And Mana was a good thing until you destroyed it.

I give Dawn of Mana two out of five stars, and the only reason I give it that much is because of the nostalgic feeling it gave me at first.

This is the first Square game that I am ever going to sell back.

Godzilla vs Trogdor

We know and love these two towering lizards. But the question on everyone’s mind is,

If Godzilla and Trogdor fought, who would win? Lets check out the stats shall we?

Godzilla is the massive mega titan bent on destroying Tokyo. He has appeared on merchandise all over the globe and has nuclear breath. He has attempted to destroy the world many times, though he never succeeded.

I used to have this awesome tape of a puppy dog eyed Godzilla saving Tokyo from giant bugs with the help of a robot that “programmed himself to get bigger”.

Trogdor is an internet darling. His beefy arm and his fire breath make him a formidable opponent. He has powers of burnination, a far superior form of burning.

Trogdor may be a powerful being and he always succeeds at burninating: peasants, countryside’s, and people. Godzilla is none of these however. This could be a problem.

Problem one: Does Trogdor fall prey to Godzilla’s nuclear breath?
Answer: No. Trogdor will block the nuclear rays with his beefy arm. Besides, Trogdor is plated with impenetrable consummate v’s.

Problem two: Does Trogdor's burnination work on Godzilla?
Answer: No. Even if Godzilla was on of the aforementioned things, Godzilla is armed with the power of plot device. There is only one plot device per movie that can defeat him. It is usually in the hands of an effeminate Japanese scientist.

Problem three: If they started arm wrestling, who would win.
Answer: Trogdor. Beefy arm.

Problem four: Would anyone be spared in this holocaust?
Answer: Not even the women and children.

So in the end, let us hope Trogdor and Godzillia will never fight. They are perfect matches for each other and it would mean the extinction of the human race. The battle would rage for centuries.

How to Prevent a Gaming Hangover

We gamers have to indulge ourselves every now and then. I call it going into stasis.

To any gamer who has had the luxury to game uninterrupted for a long chunk of time is no newbie to the gaming hangover. A gaming hangover is a disgusting and dreaded thing. It begins with sever lethargy. Then, time begins to vanish. And in the end, you end up dazed, disgruntled, and late for work.

The easiest way to avoid a gaming hangover is very simple.

Don’t gorge yourself on videogames. Play reasonable, but never spend more than two to three hours a day playing. But, if you do decide to go for the gusto, these are some simple steps that can ease a gaming hangover, and make the gaming experience all the more pleasant. You may even come out of the binge feeling sort of human.

1. Eat, but don’t eat too much. Buy some lean quzines or something as equally quick and low cal. You aren’t going to be spending much energy so you don’t need to eat as much.

2. Don’t binge game when you have immediate deadlines. Just do the work before you game. I know, most of the time when you binge game your putting something off, procrastination is part of it, but if you have a deadline at noon the next day don’t spend the whole day playing WOW.

3. Feed your pets. Gerbils die without food. The more you know.

4. Bathe. For all that is good and holy bathe. Your roommates will appreciate it. And it will make you feel better. Very few things are grosser than gamer funk.

5. Sleep normally. Go to bed at a reasonable hour and wake up at a reasonable hour. If you have a hard time going to sleep because of your over stimulated brain, try listening to classical music and taking a Tylenol PM.

6. Lastly understand that when you come out of stasis, you will be a little disconnected from reality. Do something that can ground you again. Read a book. Listen to some music. Get your mind off the game. It can help you regain some measure of sanity.