Videogames the Silent Killer

Videogames are evil. I am tired of them. I play them too much. The Playstation 2 sits there in its smug mischievous manner mocking me. It sticks its CD tray out at me and waves its controllers in the air.

“You know you want to play me!” it recites its usual siren song with a voice that sounds like the rabbit from Donnie Darko.

“No!” I wail attempting to keep myself at the computer, but my efforts are in vain; the PS2 is armed with RPGs. No. Not rocket propelled grenades. Role-playing games.

“Your thief mage is almost at level twenty…” It continues its diabolical torture session. “ If he becomes level twenty, you can make a Ninja Summoner…”

“Damn you Final Fantasy Tactics and your unusually high replay value!” I cry falling to my knees, my hand’s still at the keyboard above my head, continuing my vain quest to stay on task.

“You spend twenty to thirty hours a week on me every week, what could four or five more hours hurt?” It asks quietly before giving a maniacal laugh.

“Got…to finish…assignment…” I valiantly drag myself back into my chair. The red glowing button peers like Sauron’s eye into my soul.

The lights are flickering! Sepulchral orchestra music is being played through the TVs speakers! The ground is shaking! It set my bed on fire!

“Play me!” the PS2 bellows. I pull a vial out of my jacket and throw its contents on the PS2.

“Suck on holy water bitch!” A terrifying scream follows as the PS2 smokes and the room returns to normal. O.K. that was close. Too close.

I am not alone in my addiction. There are thousands out there just like me. If only we could get together and put an end to the PS2’s diabolical reign of terror!

We can fight them!

They can be destroyed!

Throw them from the rooftops!

Smash them with hammers!

Fight back! We need to be addicted no longer!

We can have real lives! We just have to join together!

What was that PS2? What’s that X-box? Halo 3 just came out! Nooo!